The Count
by GarnetVengeance
Summary: When Sena arrives at a mysterious castle on a job for his company, he encounters a noble who is far more than what he seems... Parody of Dracula. Pairings galore. Rated for Hiruma's mouth.
1. Arrival

Prologue – Arrival

_Dear Mr. Sena;_

_In preparation for your arrival, I have arranged lodging and transportation following your arrival in Zokugaku. A carriage shall arrive for you and your luggage in the morning, and you should arrive at my castle by evening._

_Safe travels,_

_The Count_

Sena sighed, folding the letter and returning it to its place in his breast pocket. He would be happy to finally arrive at the Count's castle – if only for want of a proper bed - if the countryside so far had been any indication. The further east he traveled, the more…medieval the landscape became.

Zokugaku was, by far, the worst. The leader of the village – self-appointed, if Sena was any judge – had been no end of trouble to him so far. It seemed like the only thing keeping them from robbing Sena blind was the fact that he was a guest of the Count's.

Sigh.

Sena wasn't regretful of the fact that he'd accepted the mission to visit the Count and deliver the papers as was necessary – quite the opposite – however, he was beginning to wonder if they'd simply pushed the unwanted duty onto him, the veritable gofer of the company. Mamori would scold him if she found out.

Sigh.

He just hoped he could get this over with and go home…

"Listen up, shorty." A voice prompted.

Startled, Sena jumped, before turning to the owner of the voice – it was the leader, one Hibashira-san.

"Y…yes?" Sena stammered.

"It's just fair to warn you – you go to that castle, you ain't comin' back." He stated, perfectly calm.

"P…pardon?" Sena said, feeling a chill creep up his spine – whether from the taller man's statement or simply his nearness, one couldn't say.

"Least, no one ever does. 'Sides the Count himself." He added as an afterthought. "'Course, very few people ever see the Count and live to tell about it…"

Sena was now decidedly frightened.

"You shouldn't try to frighten him, Hibashira-kun." Prompted the driver, appearing from around the corner, where he'd been placing Sena's luggage into the carriage. The driver was easily the largest man Sena had ever seen – Sena found himself wondering how the poor horses could pull the man – with a head shaped like a chestnut. He seemed very kind, and Sena trusted him almost immediately.

"Don't listen to him, Sena-kun. The Count is a good person. It's been his dream to go to England for awhile now, and he'll be more than happy to have you at his castle."

"I'm not sayin' he won't be happy to have 'em, fatty. I'm just sayin' he's not comin' back _out_." Hibarshira snorted.

Sena laughed nervously, "Thank you for your concern, but I'll be fine." _I hope_. "We should be on our way, shouldn't we, Mr…?"

"Kurita. You can call me Kurita, Sena-kun." He smiled, and Sena immediately felt at ease. If such a kind-looking man could trust the Count, surely all the rumors (there had been quite a few) that Sena had heard in the villages must simply be peasant superstition.

Feeling much better, Sena said his goodbyes to Hibashira-kun and the other villagers who saw him off – and they were few – and got into the carriage. It promised to be a long trip.

* * *

It was.

Kurita-san was pleasant enough company – he yammered on endlessly about nothing at all, and was cheerful to a fault – but the carriage was uncomfortable, and once night fell, Sena could hear wolves in the distance, and began to worry.

Fortunately, as soon as Sena began to honestly fear for his life – were those eyes in the bushes? - the carriage pulled into the courtyard, clattering noisily on the cobblestones.

"It's very late. Are you sure the Count is okay with this?" Sena said, watching the larger man take his luggage from the carriage – he'd refused any sort of aid on Sena's part.

"Oh, he'll be fine. The Count is a bit of a night-owl, you see." Kurita replied. A wolf howled in the distance as he said this, and Sena once again felt a chill run down his spine.

"Welcome!" A voice boomed.

Turning, Sena saw the easily most demonic man he'd ever seen standing at the top of the staircase.

Count Hiruma.

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End Prologue  
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Author's Notes: A short chapter, but it IS a prologue...

My writing's SO rusty. I apologize.


	2. Suspicion

Chapter I – Suspicion

"Welcome to my castle, shorty." The Count said, grinning.

"Ah, Hiruma, he's a guest! You should be more respectful…" Kurita said softly.

"Shut up, you fuckin' porker! You were fucking LATE!" Hiruma snarled in return, pulling out the most advanced rifle Sena had ever seen and firing it haphazardly in the general direction of Kurita. Sena ducked, covering his head and wondering what on Earth he'd gotten himself into.

"Che. Did you bring everything you need, damn shorty?" The Count asked, turning to Sena.

"Y….yes." Sena nodded, slowly coming out of his protective position. Looking at the count, he was certainly… startled. The taller man certainly didn't look like a noble. Or at least any of the nobles that Sena had met.

He was tall, and rather lanky. He had a narrow face, made narrower by large, angular eyes and high pointed ears. His teeth probably startled Sena the worst of all – they were long and pointed, like some sort of carnivorous beast.

He grinned viciously, "Excellent. Let's have some dinner and then you can go to bed." Turning on his heel, he strode back into the castle, calling over his shoulder "Hey, porker! Bring the shrimp's luggage!"

"Sena-kun, if you would." Kurita asked kindly, holding his hands out for the bags.

"Ah, thank you." Sena stammered, handing it over before heading after the Count.

Upon entering the castle, the first thing Sena noticed – that anyone would notice, he thought idly – were the _bats_. The entire entry hall was _packed_ with them – and not just any regular bat, either. They were great, swollen _red_ bats that looked like they'd been born straight from the depths of hell. They flapped around idly in the rafters, _calling_ to one another. _Ya-Ha…Ya-ha…_

"Do… do bats normally call to each other?" Sena asked his host hesitantly.

"Nope." His host replied easily, chewing on his gum (1) and blowing a bubble. "Just mine." He offered no further explanation.

"I see." An awkward silence fell upon the pair – Kurita had disappeared at some point during their trek through the castle. "Ah… you speak very well. I was expecting more of an accent."

"Tch. It's no big deal. It's interesting, that's all."

"I see." Silence fell again.

"We're here, shorty." The Count said, swinging open a door to reveal a lavish dining room, with a small meal already set up. "Sit down and eat."

"Ah, certainly." Sena quickly sat down, finally realizing just how hungry he was – he hadn't eaten since he'd left Zokugaku that morning. The Count, rather than sitting at the table, opted for a chair near the fire, cracking open a book and proceeding to read.

"Ah… excuse me? Are you not going to eat?" Sena asked hesitantly.

"Nope." He replied, flipping a page idly, "I ate before you came. Feel free to stuff yourself though, fucking shorty." He blew another bubble. "Then you should get your ass in bed. You're tired, aren't you?" He flashed Sena a look that said 'Either you're tired or bad things happen.'

"Ah…alright then. Thank you."

---------

In his room, Sena sighed. It was a fine room, comfortable but stark at the same time. Enough that he'd be willing to stay, but wouldn't intend to stick around.

Finding his luggage sitting on the bed, he rifled through it until he found his bedtime necessities. As he began settle in for the night, he pondered on his position.

He'd arrived, so – when one thought on it – all he had to do was give the Count the necessary papers, and he could be on his way. However, there were all the legal matters that would probably need clarification for the Count and would most likely require his sticking around.

And then there was the Count himself. He was most certainly the strangest individual he'd ever met. Violent to an extreme – after Sena hesitantly suggested that he stay to aid the Count with the papers, should he have any questions, he'd brought out a weapon unlike any Sena had ever seen, firing it haphazardly in the general direction of the roof, successfully shooting out a chandelier and two wall sconces.

He sighed despairingly. Why did he get himself into these things?

-------

The next morning, Sena woke late – some time in the early afternoon. He woke groggily, wondering when Suzuna or Mamori hadn't woken him, before remembering where he was and why. Shuffling out of bed, he wearily went through his bag before he found his morning tool – toothbrush, paste, mirror, brush. No need for a razor, of course… he scowled at that.

When he had finished – he'd attempted to comb his hair into some semblance of order, however that proved impossible, as always – he made his way back to the hall he'd been in last night, in hopes of encountering the Count again and getting this whole ordeal over and done with.

He popped his head into the room, but saw no one – no great set back; there was really no reason to believe that the Count would even be there – however the table was once again laden with a variety of luncheon materials, with a small notice on the side closest to Sena.

_**Eat!**_

Grimacing, he placed the note back on the table, debating whether or not to follow the Count's advice. Something seemed very suspicious about that…

In the end, however, he decided to sit down to the fine meal, deciding that if the Count wanted to kill him he'd had amble opportunities, what with all those weapons…

Glancing around as he finished, he saw that there were no servants to take his dishes.

Come to think of it, he hadn't seen any servants at all.

Huh. Suspicious.

---------

After the meal, Sena had decided to continue his search for the Count. He wandered about the castle for the majority of the afternoon, and well into the evening. Despite this, he got very little done – every door he encountered outside of the initial hall was locked.

"Looking for someone, fucking shorty?" The Count said evilly, looming behind the smaller man.

"Ah-Y-yes!" Sena said, trying to keep his innards in order – he could swear his stomach had moved. "I was looking for you. Did you figure out the papers alright?"

"Hm? Oh, those. I finished them last night." The Count replied, disinterested.

"I… I see."

"But listen here, shorty." The Count continued, pointing a small handgun at the other man, "You're my _honored guest_ here," He grinned viciously – almost predatorily, Sena thought, "And I don't give a damn if you wander through my castle. Just stay out of the rooms that are locked. Otherwise…" He paused, "I can't guarantee your safety."

He turned on his heel, and walked away, his laughter echoing through the halls.

Sena frowned. This place was certainly... suspicious.

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End Chapter 1  
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(1)Historical inaccuracies? Whatever do you mean? -Shifty eyes-

Closing Notes: I fail to understand why this fic is so popular. It boggles the mind.

Review!


	3. Evidence

* * *

Chapter 2 – Evidence

* * *

Sena was becoming more and more anxious. A full week and a half had passed since his arrival at the castle, and since his arrival, he'd only met Kurita – who he hadn't seen since – and the Count himself. He'd continued his exploration of the castle, and had yet to encounter a single unlocked door. Whenever he 'brought up the papers and his returning home, the Count would pull out some horrifically destructive weapon (often involving fire) and threaten bodily harm upon Sena's person.

Not only that, but there was the general…strangeness, about the Count. Outside of the initial violent tendencies.

First off, there was the simple fact that Sena only ever saw the Count in late evening or full-out night. This in itself was not enough to prompt Sena's suspicion – after all, there was a great deal of castle that the Count was more than able to hide away in, for whatever purpose.

Then there was the fact that, a short time ago, Sena had been in his room, combing his hair in front of the mirror. The Count had – out of _nowhere_ – appeared behind the younger boy. Sena hadn't even noticed his reflection in the mirror, much less when the Count had entered the room. The Count had then cackled out something about mirrors being more trouble than they're worth – what with them always breaking and all – and had proceeding to shoot out Sena's mirror.

However, what REALLY tipped Sena off to the suspicious goings-on in the castle was the fact that, recently, Sena had been sitting in his room, as it was late and he was preparing for bed. He'd been brushing his teeth, and, in his usual restless fashion, had headed over the window. Movement caught his eye.

Eyes bulging (and subsequently splattering toothpaste all over the window), he watched in horror as the Count climbed out his window and down the wall – _head first_ – armed to the teeth. He crawled down the wall like some sort of evil spider, gun metal glistening in the moonlight.

That was not something a normal human could do.

More and more often, Sena found himself thinking, 'I'm going to die.'

And, every day, it became clearer that Sena was _no guest_ in this castle. Hostage, prisoner… any variety of words were able to better describe his position.

He sighed, staring out the window. He doubted he'd_ ever_ see Suzuna or Mamori again. Maybe he should try and contact them… somehow.

He perked. Yes, that was the thing to do. Take his mind off of things.

Grabbing a pen and paper – he always made sure to have plenty on hand – he paused. What to write? Should he _tell_ them he was in mortal danger? Or simply right some soothing pleasantries?

He tapped the pen thoughtfully against his jaw. Come to think of it, how would he even send the letter? Would the Count agree to send it for him? If he _did_, would he even really send it?

He sighed, depressed again. How did he get himself into this mess…?

Maybe… maybe if he wrote something that _sounded_ normal… but wouldn't to Suzuna and Mamori… maybe they could read between the lines?

Yes, that was the perfect thing!

He just had to figure out…how to get his point in between the lines…

Huh.

He sighed, depressed again.

* * *

"And what might _this_ be, you goddamn shorty?" The Count demanded, a dangerous grin playing across his face. In his hand, he held the letter that Sena had attempted to send the night before. Some gypsies had been in the castle, and Sena, in a desperate action, had paid their leader and asked have it sent.

Unfortunately, it seemed that it had simply been given to the Count.

"Oh… that?" Sena stammered, "It's nothing. Just a letter home."

"Oh really?" The Count replied, his free hand resting easily on a handgun on his waist. "And why, pray tell, if it was a simple letter home, you couldn't simply ask me to send it for you?"

"I… didn't want to trouble you?" Sena said hesitantly, mentally patting himself on the back for the excuse.

"Don't worry about it. Please, if you have a letter," He paused, grinning and exposing wickedly pointed teeth, "Kindly give it to _me_ to send." As he said this, he drew out a small lighter and lit the letter, throwing it in the fireplace as he walked out.

As he watched the paper blacken and curl, Sena despaired just a little bit more.

* * *

Tonight. Tonight, dammit, he was going to find the Count's secret. If he was going to die – and by this point, Sena considered it a certainty – he was going to at least bring the Count down with him.

Or at least die in the attempt.

Or at least attempt to die in the attempt.

…

Maybe this wasn't such a fantastic idea.

But no. He was _going_ to!

It was early evening as he snuck out of his room. There was one room that he had previously encountered, nearly the clear other side of the castle, where the door hadn't _opened_, but it certainly didn't seem _locked_. More jammed. Maybe, if Sena put his weight against the door, he could force it open, and maybe find some clue as to the Count's true purpose.

He continued running his plan over in his head as he lightly jogged his way across the castle. It wasn't fantastic – Mamori would _never_ approve – but it was all he had.

He reached the door.

He took a breath, and placed his shoulder on the door.

He pushed.

Nothing.

He set his feet, and pushed.

Nothing. Not an inch.

He put more weight to the door, and pushed.

It snapped open, easily. For an instant, Sena could have sworn he saw someone on the other side of the door, opening it, however when he ceased stumbling and regained his balance, there was no one in the room.

There was a fireplace, with a blaze burning merrily, and a small couch, but otherwise, the room – though large – was empty.

He sighed, totally dejected now. He was going to die, and wouldn't even know why. He shuffled his way over to the couch, plopping himself down. He was so tired…

The Count _had_ warned him about sleeping in rooms other than his own, but…

Maybe, in his own way, Sena could defy the Count in this.

* * *

"Huh?"

"Huuuh?"

"Huuuuuuuuuh?"

Sena woke, slowly opening his eyes. What on Earth was that….?

He froze. In the castle where he'd never seen _anyone_ else, and in the very room he was napping, stood three people. They looked similar… siblings?

He quickly snapped his eyes shut again. Maybe if they didn't know he was awake…

"Well, what should we do with him?"

"Ain't he the Count's guest?"

"But he's fallen into our lap!"

Sena hesitated before opening his eyes a crack. If he was going to die, he would at least see his murderers.

…

They were either the most hideous women he'd ever seen, or men dressed in outrageously frothy dresses.

He was absolutely flabbergasted.

"I s'pose it's okay if we just take a little nip." Said the one in pink, grinning wickedly and exposing pristine white teeth. Sena heard the whispering of his skirts as he made his way over to where he lay.

The strange man sat down next to him on the couch, leaning over the much smaller boy, lips parted. Sena could feel his breath on his cheek – was he going to kiss him? – And then the faintest brush of the man's lips against his neck. Mamori would be ashamed.  
"YAHA!"

The man flung himself away from Sena, cursing.

The sound of glass shattering, and various artilleries being fired off in random directions.

"And what the hell do you think you're doing, fucking brothers?!" Sena heard the Count demand.

"Che. We weren't doin' anything, you demon!" He heard one of the other 'brothers' protest.

More random firings.

"I fucking told you to stay away from the fucking shrimp!"

"We're fucking _hungry_! You haven't fed us in days!"

"Keh, you're all fucking useless. Here."

A soft thump, and a gentle cry. A baby?

What was going on in this castle?

"Oi, fucking shrimp." He heard the Count, and knew his charade was over. His eyes snapped open.

He saw the three strange men, gathered tightly together over something.

"Time for bed, fucking shrimp."

A soft click, and Sena stared down the barrel at the Count, whose grin seemed to widen, impossibly.

"Goodnight."

* * *

End Chapter 2

* * *

Closing Notes: Sorry about the delay. I spent a good amount of time debating whether to have the huh huh brothers actually in drag or not, and that, combined with University, meant very little time to write. That, and the fact that we finished Dracula in class, so I lost a bit of my drive for writing this… don't worry, though! I shan't abandon this. Despite what this chapter's ending might have you believe.


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